


OUR TANGLED WEB

by jonnor_chaos



Category: Actor RPF, American (US) Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, Harrison Osterfield - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF, tom holland - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Exploration, Feelings, Fluff, Friendship, Gay, Harrison Osterfield - Freeform, Hollanders, Love, M/M, RPF, friends - Freeform, haz osterfield, tom holland - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-16 22:58:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14820548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jonnor_chaos/pseuds/jonnor_chaos
Summary: Harrison has been at Tom's side all along. And there is nowhere he would rather be. That's a lie that he cant keep telling.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is another conversion from an old fic of mine. There are some changes. It's weird how all my old fic seems so much better to me when I think of the characters as Tom and Haz. All told, there should be 3 chapters to this one. I hope it works as well as I think it does. Comments welcome... pretty please!

The lights shone, bright and dazzling, illuminating the already bright young star and his cast mates. The crowd – large as always – cheered and laughed, some even crying in their excitement at being this close to their favourite celebrity. This was nothing new, in fact, it had become a routine part of their lives over the last few months as they travelled between cities, states and even hemispheres.

Harrison Osterfield had been on edge all throughout the event. He had a job to do, he was trusted and he did not want to be a disappointment.

“… guys are great, but I wouldn’t have been able to do anything without my best mate, Harrison, who has been with me every step of the way,” he heard the young star say, snapping back to the present.

“And Harrison is here with us tonight, backstage isn’t he?” the stage host asked.

“Yea he is, keeping an eye on me.”

“We can’t have that now, can we?” the host asked the audience.

They voiced their approval. “Harrison! Come on out here!” the announcer said loudly, turning in his chair and waving his arm in a _come hither_ gesture.

As he walked out onto the stage, squinting against the sudden brightness of the spotlights, the audience cheered. Harrison had grown a small fan base of his own, thanks to his best friend’s ever growing status.

One of the event staff had brought out an extra chair before sneaking back off stage almost unnoticed. Before Harrison could sit down, the announcer stood to shake his hand.

“Welcome! Good to see you.”

Harrison smiled, blushing a little, “Good to be here, thank you.”

Jacob fist-bumped him as he walked past, heading toward his chair. Laura leaned forward, arms stretched out for a hug.

Out the corner of his eye, he saw his best friend stand, his arm rising in slow motion. All of a sudden, right there on the stage, something inside him snapped.

 _Oh god! I can’t do this!_  He panicked internally.

He saw the hand, watched the young man start to rise from his seat and knew it was all meant for him. The noise of the fans was barely drowning out the thudding in his chest.

With a short glance into those familiar bright eyes, his face pleading forgiveness, he took the smallest of steps backward and sat down. The embrace meant for him, the touch that he craved more than anything, missed its mark and found nothing but air.

Even before he heard the muffled curse of anger, he knew he had really done it this time.

 

* * *

 

The young star stalked into the dressing room, letting the door slam shut behind him. He was angry. He didn’t know exactly why, but he was fuming. The crowd had barely noticed, blinded by their excitement – thank goodness. But that was only a small mercy. It did not change what had happened.

What went wrong? Why had Harrison cringed away?

He had been acting a little strange lately; a bit distant, but Tom put that down to the jet-lag and stress of the seemingly endless press tour. Still, he wanted answers, and he was not prepared to wait for them.

“Harrison? What the hell was that mate?” he demanded, trying hard not to lose his cool.

Sitting on a chair across the dressing room, his head held in his hands, the younger man took a deep breath and fought with all his might to avoid having to meet Tom’s eyes. He had not planned it; it was not ever his intention to humiliate his best friend. He simply couldn’t take it anymore. Each touch was torture, a false hope that could never become anything real.

 

* * *

 

Of course, as they grew up, spending almost all their waking time together, Tom became more than just a best friend to Harrison, he became the one thing the blonde boy knew he could never have.

Tom, of course, knew nothing of these feelings, he couldn’t know, it would ruin their friendship. Haz didn’t know a whole lot, but he knew he could not ever risk losing Tom. So he did what he always did, covered it up. And once again, in reply to the smaller boy’s question, he tried to cover up - slowly realising that this was a doomed effort.

“It… it was nothing, Tom.” He said quietly, “I just lost it a little, you know?”

“No. No, I don’t know Harrison! You almost ruined it out there… again!” Tom snapped back.

That last part made Haz flinch. Tom had noticed his failing façade? _Oh god, what now?!_

He couldn’t blame his behaviour on jet lag or anything as flimsy as that. He had signed up for this, willingly. And would do so again even knowing what lay ahead. He wanted nothing more than to be free, but his fear of Tom’s reaction kept him from coming clean on so many occasions. That helplessness was killing him inside.

“I’m sorry, Tommy. It won’t happen again!

“Damn straight it won’t. What’s the matter with you? This shit just isn’t like you, Haz.”

“Look, I don’t need another lecture, please.”

Tom raked a hand through his hair in frustration, “I’m not lecturing you, dammit! I just wanna know where the hell my best friend has disappeared too.”

Harrison jerked as if slapped, that comment hit him hard, breaking the last of his already feeble defences. He looked up with pain in his and almost whispered, “I… I’m right here. Tommy, please.”

Something in his friend’s voice startled Tom, made him pause and think for a second. It wasn’t like Harrison to admit he could not handle something. He ordinarily took pride in facing and overcoming challenges. Whatever was buggin him clearly had to be more serious than Tom had thought at first.

Out of instinct he reached out, running a hand over Harrison’s short hair, and then it happened again. Haz scrambled backward so fast he tripped over his bag and would have fallen had the wall not caught his back.

Tom stood frozen, his arm still out stretched , hand in mid-air where Harrison’s hair had been a second ago. Haz’s eyes darted between Tom and the closed door – his heart racing in panic.

“What the hell was that? What did I do wrong?” Tom asked, anger building once again.

In that instant Haz realised that he couldn’t do this anymore. No man could stay so torn between two worlds. “I… it’s not… shit! Tom, I can’t…you did nothing wrong but…”  
  
“But what?! Huh?” Tom interjected, “You’ve been shying away from me for weeks now. If you dislike me for some reason Haz, if I’ve done something wrong then...”  
  
“No. No it’s not that.” Harrison burst out. “You did nothing wrong and...” he faltered.  
  
He knew the second those words left his mouth that he was not going to be able to keep it hidden any longer. There wasn’t any going back.

“Then why are you acting this way?” Tom asked.  
  
Harrison took a deep breath, “Because... because I like you, Thomas.” He whispered, his eyes fixed on the floor.  
  
“Yea, yea I like you too you div, which is why I don’t get why....” Tom’s voice faded away as realisation hit him and he understood what his friend had said.

“Oh. You mean...”

Clenching his trembling hands, Harrison willed himself to look up, to meet his best friend’s eyes.  
  
He nodded slowly. “Yea, Tommy... _like that_.”


	2. Chapter 2

The silence that filled the room after Harrison’s confession was almost deafening. Had a pin dropped, it would have sounded as loud as a foghorn.

For what seemed to be the longest time, the two young men simply stared into each other’s eyes, not able to find the right words. Haz’s nerves were on a knife edge, he had no way of taking back what he had just confessed, nor did he really want to, but he hoped desperately that revealing his true feelings would not come at the cost of Tom’s friendship.

Tom on the other hand was in shock. He had often suspected, though he had never voiced these thoughts, that Haz was gay.

Now those thoughts seemed to have been solidly confirmed, with just one big difference, Tom could never have comprehended that he was the object of Harrison’s affection. He wasn’t sure what he thought about that, or how he was meant to react. Truth be told, it scared him a little.

“Tom...” a shaky whisper interrupted his thoughts.  
  
Blinking, he looked at his best friend, almost in a new light, “Um.. yea, Haz?”  
  
“Please.. say something. I.. I can’t..” the taller boy’s nerves jumbled his words, tied his tongue, “Shit!” he cursed in frustration.  
  
He moved toward the younger man, standing directly before him “No, no, Haz, listen mate, it’s okay. You just.. you... kinda caught me off guard there.”   
  
“Yea, I um.. sorry about that. But, you aren’t pissed off. I thought for sure I was gonna get a beating.”  
  
Tom smirked, “Well, if that’s the kind of thing you like.”  
  
Harrison’s eyes went wide, had he heard right? He shuffled and looked as if he wanted to bury his head in the nearest hiding place.

“No, I.. dammit Tom thats...”

Strong, familiar hands came up on either side of his face, “Hey, hey buddy, I was just kidding. Sorry, man that was kinda a low blow.”  
  
Without thinking, as he always did, Harrison leaned into the touch of Tom’s warm hand on his cheek. He sighed in relief; he had come close to panic for the second time in just a few minutes. This wasn’t going as he expected, but it wasn’t going badly either, so far.   
  
“I know. Fuck, my nerves are so on edge. This is so... unreal, it’s all fucked up ya know?” he spoke up.  
  
Tom looked at him quizzically, “Fucked up? Haz there’s nothing wrong here.”  
  
It was his turn to be confused, that seemed to be happening a lot now. “I just told you that I like..., that I’m...”  
  
“.. that you are gay.” Tom finished the sentence for him.

“I know what you said mate and it’s not fucked up at all. You aren’t the only gay person in the world. I sure as hell won’t hit you for it.”

“But Tom,” Haz protested, “I like you, as in have a crush, smile when I think of you, feel sick with nerves when I’m near you, type of like you. We’ve been best mates since we were little buggers. How is that anything other than messed up?”

  
A million thoughts had been racing through Tom’s mind since Harrison had admitted his feelings. No that wasn’t accurate, since Harrison had _come out_ to him – yea that sounded right.

_None of what I’m thinking makes any sense! Why the fuck is my brain gone crazy?!_

A thousand more questions suddenly presented themselves, confusing him even more.

_Have I always so been protective of him? How did I miss this? Haz is always there for me._

* * *

 

 

How did he explain the anxiety he experienced when Harrison was away from him for long periods? Why was it that Haz’s presence alone could calm his panic attacks? Why was it that he touched his mate, without any thought at all, only by instinct?

Tom found it amazing that these thoughts, which if he was honest, had occurred to him before, suddenly didn’t have the same answers, the justifications were no longer logical.

He was becoming increasingly focused on one particular question, one that needed an answer.

“What if... what if it’s because I feel the same way about him?” he mused.

Wide eyed, his head spinning, Harrison could only stare in shock. Surely that mumbled after thought had not come from Tom.

The smaller boy himself looked back at Haz, confused by his reaction.

“What is it?” he asked.

“Are you... did you really ask..” Haz stammered.  
  
Tom realised he must have been speaking out loud. Reeling, he back tracked, he wasn’t gay. No way no how, not him. “Ah.. no, I was.. was just thinking out loud.”  
  
A little piece of Harrison’s hope crumbled. There wasn’t much of it left in him anyway. “Oh. I thought that... maybe you might..might be saying..”  
  
“What? That I’m gay? I don’t think so, Haz. I could never be a...” he snapped his jaw closed and regretted it as soon as the words formed in his mouth.  
  
“A fag.” Haz finished for him, anger rising above his confusion. “Well isn’t that fucking marvellous, Thomas. I tell you how I feel, after being terrified to admit for years, and you stoop that fucking low.”

Harison was shouting now, “You know what, to hell with you Holland!”

The outburst shocked Tom. Everything was shocking him about this situation.

He reached for his frined but had his hand viciously slapped away.

“For the love of... fuck sake... Harrison, I’m sorry. Honestly. I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just you surprised the hell outta me here and I dunno what to think right now, fuck this is… this is a mess.”

Haz laughed derisively, “A mess? Really? Ya don’t say!”  
  
Tom sighed, exasperated. “Look, just gimme some time here. I got to think, and we need to talk more about this, I know. Here just isn’t the right place or time for that sort of conversation.”  
  
“Alright.” Haz relented, the anger wrung out, “We’ll talk later. Just, just don’t hate me, okay?”  
  
Smiling, Tom stroked his fingers softly over Harrison’s cheek, “I could never hate you, Batman.” He whispered, using his pet name for Haz and smiling inwardly at the way in which the boy leaned gently into his touch.

“Besides,” he teased, “you having a crush on me is very good for my easily inflated ego.”

Haz laughed, just a little, and was on the point of replying when the door flung open.  
  
“Hey guys! Whoa man was that intense or what?! Best press tour ev…” Jacob began but fell silent when he observed the position of the two men now staring at him, wide eyed.  
  
“Did I interrupt something?” he asked.  
  
Harrison cleared his throat to speak, but Tom beat him to it, “No you didn’t mate. Harrison here was just having another drama queen moment,” he teased.

Haz breathed a silent sigh of relief; the breath had caught in his throat the second Jacob had stormed in.  
  
“Oh. Right.” Jacob replied eyeing them suspiciously – something wasn’t right.

Tom seized this opportunity, he needed space, some time to think, as he had said. With a last look at Haz, and without so much as a glance at Jacob, he grabbed his jacket and headed out the door toward the exit. 

“You do something wrong Oysterfield.” Jacob teased before sitting down and digging through his bag for his iPhone. “Looks like you got the Spiderman’s web in a twist.”

  
Harrison turned away from him, hiding the turmoil he was sure would be written all over his face.

“I hope not.” he whispered, “I really, _really_ hope not.”


	3. Chapter 3

Tom had studiously avoided Harrison for the remainder of their time at the convention centre that day and had made a discreet, quick exit from the arena when the filming and interview panels had wrapped.

In his hotel room, a beer in his hand (the room service hadn’t even asked for ID this time), he lay fully clothed on his bed, which even he had to admit was fucking enormous.

In the dark, he stared at the ceiling. As much as he tried, his mind wouldn’t fall blank. His head was swimming with the words he had shared with Haz earlier, the image of the young man closing his eyes and almost melting into his touch as he had caressed his cheek, the look of anger and hurt etched across his best friends face when he had almost called him a – no, he couldn’t give life to that word. A word that vile had no place in the world.

Tom sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair, growling with frustration.  
  
He had always suspected that Harrison might be gay. The boy was far too well groomed and way to good with girls to be perfectly straight. And if he was being honest, it didn’t bother Tom that he was that way inclined. It didn’t even bother him that Harrison had some sort of crush on him.  
  
What did bother him was how it had made him feel, what thoughts had come up in his head so quickly after Harrison’s admission. That awful uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach that was making him want to throw up with nerves. He felt like a weight was bearing on his shoulders and he didn’t know why.

He didn’t understand either why he couldn’t get Haz off his mind. It’s all he had thought about since their talk and it was driving him insane. 

He swallowed hard and squeezed his eyes shut, shoving his hand into his pocket and taking out a Spiderman fidget spinner he had received from a fan. He got off the bed and stepped out onto the balcony, spinning it absently. He took a deep breath and exhaled, his eyes fixed on the street below him. Haz was in the next room, probably asleep by now.  
  
“Shit,” he mumbled.

He bit his lip gently, thinking back to what he had almost said earlier to Haz and that look of longing and shock on his face. It made his stomach flutter. And that in itself scared the hell out of him. Why had he mumbled that? Why out loud? And, more to the point, why was he even thinking about that?

He rested back against the railing and let out another deep breath, feeling slightly angry.

He knew that he was the darling of the MCU. The guy who everyone fawned over, everyone wanted to see or be. The one who broke every girls heart with just a single instagram post. But despite all that, he was always so sure of who he was, the _real_ Tom Holland – grounded, honest and genuine.

And now, now he was starting to question why he had never had a real girlfriend, constantly flirting, kind but never able to commit. He always just put it down to them not being what he was looking for.  
  
But what _was_ he looking for?  
  
As a child he had weathered much torment from his classmates, snide remarks about his theatre career, Billy Elliot had been a blessing and a curse. As he grew older, they would mock his closeness to Harrison too. Maybe he knew, even so young, that people would hate him for being with another man and that had led him to build this wall around his feelings?

He couldn’t deny these things; he needed to discover what they meant, what he wanted. Walking to the table next to his bed, shaking his head, he reached for his phone.  
  
 

* * *

  
In the room next door things were not exactly as Tom had thought they would be. Harrison was not asleep, far from it.  
  
The young man, clothed in a pair of sweatpants, lay on top of the covers of his gigantic bed. He doubted he would sleep for a long time to come. It felt as if his mind was running a marathon at a hundred miles an hour. The problem was that no matter how far his thoughts carried him that face, that man, was always at the centre of his attention.  
  
Haz had worked so hard on concealing his sexuality for so long.

Don’t misunderstand that - he was not ashamed of being gay. His parents and sister had been unaffected by the news when he came out.

“You managed to hide in the closet all this time?” his mother had teased later, “Even with all those clothes?”

His father had hugged him and assured him that nothing changed between them, “It takes a brave man, a brave person to live their truth.”

Charlotte had of course rejoiced that her brother would now be a suitable shopping partner and guy-spy.

Harrison knew that his admission in the green room earlier that day had been a turning point in the relationship between him and Thomas.

For a time he was sure that it would end badly, Tom would reject him. But when he had said that they needed to talk, it had sparked some hope within Haz.  
  
Then there was the matter of those words.  _“What if... what if I felt the same way about him?”_

Harrison would bet his life that those were not just a simple case of thinking out loud.

He thought to himself how easy it would be to step up the relationship between him and Tom. Since they were children, the smaller boy had always shown a protective streak over him, had seemed to touch him without any thought or hesitation. What must have been second nature to Tom had become torture to Haz as they had grown older.  
  
These thoughts aside, he had not planned on coming out to his best friend in this way. It was a mess and he saw no way to back track. He would have to go forward and weather whatever consequences came his way.  
  
He frowned in frustration and turned over, closing his eyes.  
  
Before he had even settled, he was drawn to the vibration of his phone on the night stand. He contemplated ignoring it, but thinking twice he reached for it and saw that he had received a text message.  
  
_Haz, you awake?_    
  
This was unexpected.

Tom was not a fan of technology – he couldn’t even flip between cameras for shit sake - and had been through more iPhones than any normal man ever should. Haz had teased that perhaps he should consider a Samsung – the screens were bigger and less likely to annoy Tom. Yet here he was, texting at 2am in the morning.

_Yea. Can’t sleep. You text now?_ he sent the reply.  
  
It took Tom a little longer to reply. Harrison smiled, clearly he was trying not to break the current phone.

_LOL, yea I try. Why can’t you sleep?_  
  
Haz responded,  _HaHa. Too much on my mind. You?_  
  
Tom read his response and smiled a little, he wasn’t alone in this confusion after all.  
  
_Same. Can’t stop thinking._  
  
_About what?_   came Haz’s text.  
  
Pausing for a brief moment, Tom considered what he was about to text in reply. Then without further hesitation, he typed it in and hit send.  
  
Next door, Harrison felt his heart skip a beat, and for a second he almost forgot how to breathe.  
  
The screen of his Galaxy shone brightly in the dark room, displaying the simple reply that Tom had sent him...  
  
_You._

 

**THE END**


End file.
